Any Lifetime Warranty on These?

So i decided that even though it's nice having money around from my tax return, there are some things that do need to get done. And right at the top of the list is, go to the dentist to get my teeth checked out. about 9 months or so ago i had a filling fall out and at the time i was broke because of the whole divorce thing. so i let it go, and have been trying to eat on the other side of my mouth, and keep the hole clean. it doesn't hurt. and i have a lot of hope that it will be a simple clean and re-fill job. but there's a definite chance that having gone without care i will have to get a root canal. this would be unfortunate because of the price. but it must be done if it must be done. so i called up my dentist today and i go in on Monday, in the morning, for my appointment. i admit i like the dentist i have had since i was a kid. BUT going to the dentist is my one thing that i feel shame at having to do. i do an o.k. job at keeping my teeth clean. but it never seemed to matter as a kid. my sisters and i would go in and it would be Morgan: 0 cavities, Taylor: maybe a cavity, and Forrest: 2-3... sigh. so I'm not super thrilled to go in Monday and find out just exactly how much of that 1200 dollar tax return i will end up keeping.

R. E. S. P. E. C. T. Show you, what it means to me.

since when did political correctness (or treating everyone with respect) become a "gay/wussy" thing? I really don't get it. I'm talking mostly about older men here. though I've definitely noticed some nasty older women doing this too. It's like, treating other cultures and peoples with respect, some how makes you appear less of a man in their eyes. i don't understand this. it literally doesn't make any sense. And if you are racially stereotyping an entire portion of the world, for example the middle east, north Africa, and eastern Europe ALL as Arabs. then I'm going to correct you. some may be of Arabian descent, but they are Egyptians, Iranians, Iraqis, Slovenians, whatever fucking country they are from, that's who they are!!! And to label the Egyptians as, and i quote "A bunch of fucking Arabs with a grudge and a bad attitude." is going to make me want to throw up all over your face.

Sins of the Soul

so I'm celebrating my one year anniversary at jinx this month. I don't know what to say. From a young age I recognized that art is in my veins and makes me look at the world surrounding me in a different way then others do. But I also recognized that art as a "career" was both difficult, and not very monetarily rewarding. And so I tried to focus on other things. Culinary arts, Farmer, Auto mechanic... but as I got older my interests changed or events in my life caused me to rethink the path I was on. And now I'm beginning to see something. I am an artist. Whether I scorn it, or embrace it, changes nothing. My interest in painting has never waned completely. And as I've gotten older it's actually become more a part of my life then ever before. I'm exploring new styles, new techniques, new subject matters. I have invested money into it on a constant basis for almost ten years. And I never get the twinge of worry, when I buy art supplies, that I normally feel while purchasing other things (including food and clothing). And in fact as the days and years go on it's becoming harder and harder to not realize the truth of the matter. I AM AN ARTIST. I need to stop hiding that fact and simply embrace it. If that means a life of poverty and obscurity, then so be it. I will be the king of my own world of color and shape and line. Because if I decide to live without ever fully delving the depths of my talent, then that is the truest sin of the soul. And when it comes time for me to pass from this world (may it be a long time from now) I want to look around my room and see all my paintings, and say, here it is. Here I am. I am Fulfilled.

Here are a few new pieces that i finished using a new method

Some days you just want to watch the world burn

I've been thinking a lot about inheritance and life lately. the idea that one can work hard and succeed in life is an idea that is quickly disappearing for me. and as i get older it should seem closer then ever, and yet success only seems to be getting farther and farther away. I've failed at deciding what i want to be "when i grow up", and so i work at my job, that i like, but that destroys my body, and doesn't compensate me enough and never will. i failed at my marriage. I don't know if there is anything i could have done to save it knowing now what i know, but regardless it failed. my art, which is my number one most prized thing I've done in 26 years on this planet, is good and liked by a lot of people, but may never take off since i have no way of working on it all the time.

i grew up in a poor family, i recognized that at a young age, and tried to learn to not listen when people talked about money. it was something different for those with it. to them it was a resource that could be counted on to help them. something that would always be there to help in a time of need. to me it was something to be feared and hoarded whenever possible. and for a long time in my early twenties that was the best thing for me. because while all the people my age were getting money and spending it i was scrimping, saving, and trying to create something that would help me in the long run. under the assumption that if i worked a lot and saved my money, i could one day be the "giver". i could bestow this gift to someone i cared about. but that doesn't happen. no i only got older, and expenses continued piling up. i met people i thought i cared for and let them take advantage of me until one day i woke up and realized that i had nothing left. all the time and energy put forth to save, all the suffering and doing without had come to naught. i had nothing. now as i near my thirties, in the next few years, i wonder... what should i do? should i save still? should i spend frivolously and realize that this life is fleeting and that you really can't take it with you? i don't have the answers. i never have. and so sometimes on days like this, when the weather outside makes me hate living here in bellingham, and everyone i know is talking about how they want to buy a phone that is worth more then what i have in my entire bank account, i go and write down all the hatred and bitterness that i have towards this world and it's bullshit hypocrisy. then i take that paper and i go outside in the cold and i light it on fire. And I'll watch it. I'll watch it till all remnants are charred and cindered and no warmth emanates from it. i don't know if it helps at all. but it doesn't matter. because some days you just feel like letting your hatreds burn.

WARNING! : Artist's are bad for the environment.

Well I was going to go out this evening and see some music at western, but exhaustion has hit me hard after today. we started working on the second green house and getting it all cleaned out, and with the new drilled tarp fixtures. This is o.k. though, because Friday is gallery walk which will have lots of people and music down at JINX.

I made a concerted effort yesterday to go and paint four new backgrounds that hopefully will be dry enough by Friday so that I can paint on them. This is an unusual way for me to paint. Normally I'm a spontaneous painter and I start with the main item or focal point and paint the background in around it. This has been my MO for the last 8 years and it's worked well enough so far; however, at the heart of my resolution, are moments like these. Moments when i decide that it doesn't matter if it's "worked out, so far". Moments when I decide I'm going to try something new.

So, Friday: music... art... people...
Tonight: blogging... spaghetti... sleep...

Lately I've been thinking a lot about inspiration. I've recently decided that when I get my tax return (a healthy chunk of change) I want to invest a little in getting some equipment to start doing stencil production. I'm feeling extremely interested in stencils because I feel like it's an art form that I can use to portray my feelings about foreign affairs and political events better then i currently can. I can stencil a face and portray it however I want without actually taking the time to learn how to paint human faces (something I have no desire to learn)

I did however promise to put up some pictures of my last piece...

And as a special request, I'll post some pictures of my oph cat for a certain feline located in a mountain town to the south.

This is a smaller piece, in the same vein

as the large black and white squid i did recently

What the hell is this ice crap?

Oph cat enjoying a resting spot.